babiebabie (babiebabie) wrote in anything_random,

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Hating Because I'm Not...

chinita: i'm starting a low carb diet this weekend wheni can actually go out and shop for the stuff i need to just stay eating right
chinita: i already told my dad not to cook for me anymore
chinita: i need to do this for myself and maybe it'll help me lose the weight that the gym isn't really doing
babie: cool, doing the south beach diet?
babie: i dont have the will power to diet =/
chinita: i dont either but i'm going to have to, cause it even annoys me that i care so much about being fat, i have to do something about it instead of just sitting here complaining that i'm fat
babie: i wish i had the drive to do it like you. but even though i hate being fat... i've found my niche... i wish i was thinner... but atthe same time... i really dont care enough to get off my fat ass and do something about it
babie: its like... do i care about eating more or do i care about looking good in my clothes
babie: mmmm... i like eating
babie: fuck it
chinita: LOLS
chinita: it bothers me more then just being bothered by it, i look at myself and actually hate the way i look in my clothes
babie: mmm this is a great topic for my xanga today....
chinita: so i might as well do something
babie: strange thing about it, i think i have a disorder or something... kinda like anti-anorexia or someshit~ when anorexics look in the mirror they just keep seeing fat fatter fattest... images of themselves being blown up... where as... i look in the mirror and i'm like... EH~ it could be worse... and i go eat a donut
chinita: LOls you're so silly
babie: which brings up a very good topic: america is made for fat people.
chinita: lols i know i'm not really FAT fat...but i'm not thin, and i never will be thin
chinita: i just want to look better, and not have this fat roll around my stomach for the rest of my life
babie: in hong kong, i cant go shopping for shit. they're extra large is the equivalent to america's medium... i cant even fit into a XXXL there... but here... i'm a large... and in some cases an XL cuz my ass is so huge....
babie: and when i go to stores like Avenue or Lane Bryant... even Rainbows has a plus sizes department...
babie: they have sizes like XXXXL and pants that even my fat ass can squeeze into one pant leg... no matter if your built like the broad side of a barn... or so skinny you can eat a peanut and watch it go down.... america has clothes for u
babie: tiny clothes for the skin and bones... parachutes and table cloths for the obese
babie: i can keep getting fatter and i wouldnt have to be naked... and they design clothes to make even the fat look good... and i look good in the clothes i keep buying... one size larger than the next... and what does that mean?  that i am a product of society?  sure... i could blame them... hell... everyone blames society for everything... or do i really just need to stop my obsession with food?  cuz damn... i love's me some good eats...
babie: i mean... hell... i think my applebottoms make my butt look scrumptious and that is a problem... because i'm chinese... i should not be wearing clothes designed for big assed black women by nelly... LOL!

and so, my topic today is:  why am i so fat!??

okay so we all know the answer to that... i cant stop eating!!!  why?  cuz i'm a fatty...  'least thats what my boyfriend calls me-- and in all seriousness... i really am fat.  i know there are alot of you out there who are like... omG you look great!  you are SOOO not fat... you blah blah blah blah blah...

i'm 24, 5'5", my measurements are 42, 32, 43-1/2, and i'm 225lbs.  i'm 5 foot 5 inches tall and i'm 225 pounds!!!  i mean... yeah i know... there are people who are 5'5 and 130lbs and they think they resemble shamu and i'm 95lbs over that... so just imagine what i should look like!  and then i thank my parents for giving me good genes and tight as a mother'effer skin and i've got me a build that could pass for 185lbs... but in all reality... we all know the truth:  even 185 is obese for my height.  i'm even near "morbidly obese".

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i love the taste of food.  i dont even eat cuz i'm hungry.  i eat when i'm bored, i eat when i'm craving something to nosh on, i eat when i'm full and i see something i know will taste devine, i eat and eat and eat and eat and eat!!!!  oh god... i cant stop myself sometimes... i once ate an entire mrs. smiths pumpkin pie watching an episode of sex in the city... *ashamed*

so in order to become 'healthy' i need to diet.  i've tried everything from excersize to pills to pumps to shockwave therapy to break up fat... and it works... i've lost the weight... and then i get fat again.  so how does one stop eating?  how can they make themselves hate food?!  omg... i love eating so much... i cant immagine hating it =P

i guess a problem i have is... i dont really think i look that bad.  i mean i'm much fatter now that i've been with my boyfriend for 9 months and i've put on what i like to call 'comfort cussions' or better known as 'the fat you gain that turns into love handles cuz you know your man/woman isnt going to care as much anymore cuz your soooo in love with thier inner beauty' lol~

i got decent cleavage in a 36C bra, i've got a tight ass in size 13/14 jeans, i dont have 6-pack abs or anythin, but i'm definately not rotund in the middle... i'm built like the perfect (stereotypical comment incomming) puertorican mami cuz the spanish guys near my job hoot and howl at me every day... i'm so confused.

i mean... i look good... at least i think so... and my boyfriend thinks so... but everyone else says i'm fat. my mother tells me i'm fat everytime she sees me eat... and my father makes the extra effort to remind me of how obese i am everytime i walk past him... my brother calls me a fat ass because i'm not like his 98lb girlfriend... my co workers whisper and laugh when i walk past them if i'm wearing something short or tight... why? because i dont look like the average chinese girl. cuz i dont look like all the models of the world... and people just like talking shit because they think i'm fat.

should i really care that i dont look like lindsay lohan?

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